Hello, Friends. Just thought I'd share a little bit about some things I've been working through lately.
As I've shared before, I've struggled with body image and my relationship with food for most of my life. Because of stress and other factors, last year I was the heaviest I'd ever been in my life, and my body and health were starting to suffer. I decided it was time to make some changes.
In October, I realized I was almost constantly fixating on soda and sugar, so I decided to cut them out for a time. My original plan was no soda or sugar for a year, and while I have made some exceptions for special occasions, I've been able to keep my soda and sugar to a minimum.
I met with an amazing health coach for a while who helped me work through some things I'd been struggling with in my mindset.
In January, one of my oldest and dearest friends came to visit, and we had the opportunity to take a couple of walks on the trail near my house. I realized how beautiful the trail was and how easy it was to access, and decided I'd try to walk as close to every day as I possibly could.
In March, I decided to sign up for Noom with another friend who had decided to try it.
Most importantly, for the first time in my life, I included God in my health journey. Before, I always kept my spiritual life and my healthy life separated. Which is a little silly, since my faith is supposed to be intertwined in every aspect of my life. Now, I strive to give my food to God each day, to make conscious decisions to listen to my body and whether it actually needs food or not, to pray when I'm struggling with overeating or going to food to numb emotional pain or avoid stress.
One fascinating thing is how my food struggles are such an incredible example of walking by the Spirit (or not, as the case may be). It's been amazing. It's been humbling. It's been hard. Including God in my process hasn't made everything perfect and easy, but it's made the journey sweeter and a lot less focused on guilt, shame, and self-blame.
At the time I was originally going to post this, I was down 20 pounds ... for the third time. As of today, I'm down 18.9 pounds. That's kind of how this whole past month has gone. Down a few, up a few, kind of plateauing. But that's kind of how life in general works, isn't it? There's no easy formula to make things perfect. So I'm working on relaxing, enjoying the journey, and trying to focus on what I can learn along the way.
I still struggle with insecurities and doubts. And camera angles. The above picture and the picture below were taken on the same weekend. One by me with my typical "camera angle just right" pose, one by my youngest daughter, who is in love with taking pictures from ground level looking up. They look cool and artsy, but usually make me feel the most insecure and critical of my "flaws."
And this picture was taken in January at the beginning of my walking adventures. I can't decide if I see much of a physical difference yet.
But, oh, the non scale victories have been sweet! Fitting back into some of the clothes I love. Having more variety to choose from now that I'm in a smaller size. Being able to walk without getting winded or feeling like I'm dying. Keeping up with my youngest on our trip when we hiked the amazing trail by Trinidad Beach. Having less joint pain and fewer injuries because I'm taking better care of my body.
Remembering that my value is not found in a number on a scale or how I look in a cute dress, but in the fact that I am God's precious daughter, created uniquely by Him, loved unconditionally and valued, no matter what.
Friend, I don't know where you're at right now, or what you're facing. But I do know this: you too are precious, created uniquely by God, loved unconditionally and valued, no matter what. Keep reaching for the stars, but enjoy the journey. I'm cheering you on!